Worship of the Broken

I lurk in the shadows around you.

I fill your mind up with doubt.

As soon as you think I’ve left you,I’m already coming back out.
Too paralyzed to move, yet feeling the urge to run,

A concoction I’ve perfected so you won’t get anything done.
In your rest you’re filled with commotion.

While you work you’re craving to rest…
Hello, my name is Depression, and this is the work I do best.

Do you ever feel this way? I know I do (that's why I wrote it). I know there are often much more serious consequences to depression than what I have described, and I am sure many more people suffer from them than we realize. However, the more mild version that I've written about is probably experienced in varying degrees and for different amounts of time by many people. Depression makes silent sufferers out of those who deal with it because pride, fear, and whatever else makes us want to hide how we feel. When we are prone towards depression (or just going through a bout of it) simple daily activities can be overwhelming, but I believe, in the midst of depression, that those same activities can become acts of faith. Getting up and drinking a cup of coffee. Going on a walk. Sitting on the front porch to soak up some vitamin D. These are all ways that we can "fight the good fight of faith." Depression wants to keep us still, locked into a routine that is lifeless. When we refuse to stay in bed or on the couch (no matter how overwhelming the pull is to stay there) and to say instead, “I’m going to get up and face this day,” I truly believe that the Lord accepts this as worship. He loves us in our darkest moments, and He would love us still if we remained in bed or on the couch, but by getting up we are choosing to “walk by faith and not by sight” (or feelings). What we see seems impossible. The list of tasks to be accomplished overwhelms us. It seems safer to stay where we are. But choosing to put one foot in front of the other, even with the smallest mustard seed of faith in our hearts--the kind that may only be able to say, “Lord, I am weak. I can’t do this on my own. You’re going to have to help me through this day”--this kind of faith attracts the heart of God. Oh, sister and brother, He is so much more willing to hear our prayers than we are to pray! One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Psalm 103:13-14:

As a father shows compassion to his children,

so the Lord shows compassion to those who

fear him. For he knows our frame;

he remembers that we are dust.

In a similar way, Jesus told his disciples that the kingdom of heaven is for those who are "poor in spirit" (Matthew 5:3).

Our struggles are no surprise to the Lord. I think we need to regularly remind ourselves of his character in order to awaken faith in our hearts and motivate us to ask for his help. He postures himself (the Psalms say he inclines his ear) to hear our cries and to accept out our simplest acts of worship.