My Dear, Sweet Margot
It's hard to believe that in just four weeks or so you are going to be a big sister! What exciting changes are in store for all of us! I can't wait to see you interact with your baby brother. I know it will be an adjustment for you (and me), but I am confident that you are going to become a wonderful big sister. You already have such a compassionate heart and an eagerness for helping mommy and daddy.
These past two years with you as my first and only baby have been so sweet. Yes, there have been growing pains (I can hear you now asking what those are), but all good things come with growing pains. You have enriched my life and brought me more joy than I could have thought possible. To see you make discoveries, to hear you process your thoughts, and to watch your personality develop fill my heart with indescribable joy. Sometimes I just look at you in wonder and awe and think I can't believe she's mine. I can't believe I get to be her mom
It's bittersweet to imagine the changes ahead. Sweet, because I am so excited to meet your brother and to become a family of four; bitter because the time of you being my only baby is about to come to an end. It won't just be mommy and Margot anymore, and there are growing pains with that change too.
My attention will be divided in a new way. But I want you to know--and never doubt--my my love will never divide; it will only multiply. My love for you won't change. Even so, my love won't be perfect. I will fail and not always be the mom I should be. But I want you to know--and never doubt--the love of Jesus for you will always be perfect and He will never fail you. As much as I love you, he loves you so much more.Your mind is sharp and filled with curiosity and I love to see how you figure things out. But you will never be able to completely comprehend the love that God has for you.You inherited a bit of your dad's tendency to be hard on yourself when you make a mistake, and sometimes you might be tempted to think that you can't possibly be loved. But this simply isn't true. God's love for you existed before you ever got anything right, and it will continue and remain even when you and the world around you gets things wrong. Accept that you are loved!
You will always be the one who made me a mom. Even as I try to teach you, you have been my teacher in so many ways. You teach me to slow down and be present in the moment. You teach me that there is joy in finding a rock, an acorn, a stick. You teach me to say yes to truly living. You teach me that love gives, and gives, and gives.
I love you, my Favorite Girl!
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
Traffic Jams and Purpose
I’ve been thinking lately about the idea of purpose. It seems like there are a lot of voices telling us to find that one thing that we are supposed to contribute to the world, or that one thing that will fill us with joy. And while I think sometimes the path is clear-cut for some, I wonder if others of us might feel that our lives lack meaning because we don’t think we’ve found that “one thing” that we’re supposed to be doing. As I’ve read different books, and heard different talks, I have often felt this pressure to dig deep and find the thing that I’m not doing that I’m supposed to be doing. Meanwhile, my real life is before me and while I know there is value in the mundane tasks that call for my attention, I’ve wondered if there’s something else out there that I’m supposed to be pouring myself into.
Our city is in the process of building a new bridge, which means some days there are lane closures and lots of traffic going over the current bridge. Most of the things I do and places I go require me to cross that bridge on a regular basis. Signs indicate which lanes will be closed, and I have been amazed at how many people will zoom past the cars in the proper lane to cut in way ahead before their lane closes. I am not typically an angry driver, but sitting in traffic with a fussy toddler, I have really felt mad at all those people zooming past me. I feel my blood pressure rise and if I could make eye contact, I would probably give them all dirty looks. BUT, the other day I came home after a long, frustrating drive home and as I reflected on my attitude, the thought came to me what if, next time, you pray for all the people who cut ahead of you in traffic?
So, yesterday, as I felt my blood pressure rise, I decided to pray for "those" people. I prayed that they would have good days and I remembered that I don’t know anything about their lives or the things that they are facing. I started to think about the fact that while no one can see my heart, what I think about and what I do with my anger matters. It matters for the person I am becoming. It matters because God sees and cares. The people in those cars may never know the difference, but I get to choose who I will be--a person who is shriveled up and ugly on the inside due to ungratefulness, bitterness and anger, or a person whose soul is growing in the beauty of gratitude, kindness, and peace.
And all this got me thinking again about purpose. I wonder if sometimes we might miss the numerous ways that we are being shaped--in good ways or bad ways--in our daily lives because we are waiting for that “big thing” that we’re supposed to do, the thing that will set us a part or make us feel significant. Meanwhile, there are thousands of little moments and choices that ask of us “who will you be right now?” I don’t know about you, but one day I really want to be one of those old ladies who people love to be around. I want to radiate peace and joy and overflow with wisdom and kindness. I don’t want to be cranky and sour. But the kind of person I will one day be is contingent upon the choices I make today in thousands of little moments. In traffic, and while changing diapers and potty training and washing the coffee pot (when I want to avoid it) so Geoff doesn’t have to do it in the morning.
Maybe one day you or I will stumble upon some seemingly “bigger” thing that we will get to be a part of. Maybe you’ll start an orphanage or a non-profit or make lots of money to give away. But I think any of those things would simply be a continuation of the journey--not the destination. It seems like the real work of being a human takes place first in all the nooks and crannies of our hearts, in the choices that determine who we are today and lay the foundation for who we will be tomorrow. Jesus once said that the one who would be great must become a servant, and as far as purpose goes, I think that's a pretty good place to start.
Our city is in the process of building a new bridge, which means some days there are lane closures and lots of traffic going over the current bridge. Most of the things I do and places I go require me to cross that bridge on a regular basis. Signs indicate which lanes will be closed, and I have been amazed at how many people will zoom past the cars in the proper lane to cut in way ahead before their lane closes. I am not typically an angry driver, but sitting in traffic with a fussy toddler, I have really felt mad at all those people zooming past me. I feel my blood pressure rise and if I could make eye contact, I would probably give them all dirty looks. BUT, the other day I came home after a long, frustrating drive home and as I reflected on my attitude, the thought came to me what if, next time, you pray for all the people who cut ahead of you in traffic?
So, yesterday, as I felt my blood pressure rise, I decided to pray for "those" people. I prayed that they would have good days and I remembered that I don’t know anything about their lives or the things that they are facing. I started to think about the fact that while no one can see my heart, what I think about and what I do with my anger matters. It matters for the person I am becoming. It matters because God sees and cares. The people in those cars may never know the difference, but I get to choose who I will be--a person who is shriveled up and ugly on the inside due to ungratefulness, bitterness and anger, or a person whose soul is growing in the beauty of gratitude, kindness, and peace.
And all this got me thinking again about purpose. I wonder if sometimes we might miss the numerous ways that we are being shaped--in good ways or bad ways--in our daily lives because we are waiting for that “big thing” that we’re supposed to do, the thing that will set us a part or make us feel significant. Meanwhile, there are thousands of little moments and choices that ask of us “who will you be right now?” I don’t know about you, but one day I really want to be one of those old ladies who people love to be around. I want to radiate peace and joy and overflow with wisdom and kindness. I don’t want to be cranky and sour. But the kind of person I will one day be is contingent upon the choices I make today in thousands of little moments. In traffic, and while changing diapers and potty training and washing the coffee pot (when I want to avoid it) so Geoff doesn’t have to do it in the morning.
Maybe one day you or I will stumble upon some seemingly “bigger” thing that we will get to be a part of. Maybe you’ll start an orphanage or a non-profit or make lots of money to give away. But I think any of those things would simply be a continuation of the journey--not the destination. It seems like the real work of being a human takes place first in all the nooks and crannies of our hearts, in the choices that determine who we are today and lay the foundation for who we will be tomorrow. Jesus once said that the one who would be great must become a servant, and as far as purpose goes, I think that's a pretty good place to start.
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