Sneaky Procrastination and Life Right Now

The chapter of Proverbs I read yesterday begins with the words, "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth" (28:1). There are many ways that we can "boast about tomorrow," procrastination being a big one. Any time we put a task off with the idea that we will get around to it later we are boasting about tomorrow. We are assuming, first of all, that we are somehow guaranteed the arrival of tomorrow, and then that we will have the time, energy, health, resources, etc. to accomplish said task. We also might be making assumptions about the life or health of someone else. I'll send that letter tomorrow. I'll have that conversation later. I'll apologize another time.

I struggle with typical procrastination, but I also struggle with it in a more sneaky form as well--that of living in the present. I have a difficult time anchoring myself to any given moment without my mind wandering to other topics, tasks, or times (past or future). I'm also not immune to the temptation to multitask with technology and often find that I've missed something my husband has said because I was trying to do too many things at once. I am learning the hard way that I simply cannot listen to what someone says while reading something on my phone at the same time. And why would I want to anyway? People are worth my full attention. John Rohn said that "One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is the gift of your attention." Why? Because our attention is our time and our time is our life.

How does this relate to procrastination? I am realizing that the attitude of "I'll do it later" even carries over to living in the present. Sometimes I'll catch myself in a hurried or distracted frame of mind and I'll think, "I'll get better at this later" or "I'll eventually become one of those people who savors the moment," as if this more mature and mindful version of myself is going to appear out of thin air.

But, as we all have probably heard multiple times, we only have today. Really, only this moment. Even if life did slow down and I found my circumstances somehow more conducive to living in the moment, why would I choose to do that? How would I even do it if my habits up to that point had tended toward the opposite? Our good habits must be cultivated and practiced now if they are to be practiced at all. And we may fall prey to the notiont hat we are making progress when in fact we are not if we are aware of what we ought to be doing but are constantly relegating the actual doing of it to some vague future time. "Of course, I don't have that problem. After all, I know the right thing to do," we may think.

In Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis' fictional demon character, Screwtape, writes the following to his underling:

"We want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow's end, never honest, nor kind, nor happy now, but always using as mere fuel wherewith to heap the altar of the Future every real gift which is offered them in the Present." -chapter 15

Although Screwtape is a fictional character, the insight Lewis offers through his words seems to mirror reality. We encounter great resistance--both internal and external-- to living fully in the present moment. But this resistance should not paralyze us. Instead, it should encourage us all the more to be fully alive, fully awake, and fully engaged in the present. In the present is where the power is. By being fully present in the the present we experience God's gifts more fully--to drink in the joy of the simplest pleasures that might otherwise escape us. We experience the power to really listen to people when they are talking to us, thereby nurturing relationships and communicating love in one of the most genuine ways possible.And by being fully present we can experience a life of overflowing gratitude that points others to the Giver of every good and perfect gift.

"...your life only exists in the moment. But you can't really absorb or live that truth through reading a book; you absorb and live that truth simply by being fully in the process of living your life--not regretting the past, not dreading the future," says Jeff Olson, author of The Slight Edge (p.74).

How are you tempted to "boast about tomorrow" rather than seeing how your life exists in the moment--the very one you are in right now? What steps do you need to take to be more present?

It might look something like putting your phone down when your spouse is talking to you, or lingering longer over dinner instead of rushing to wash the dishes, or allowing more margin between appointments so you can give a person your full attention without feeling rushed.Your steps may look different than mine. The important thing is that we take them. And that we begin today.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God," Paul exhorted the Colossians. And can I do anything truly to the glory of God if I do it with only part of my attention, all the while thinking I have later to do it better? 

Kinder Than Necessary

I have been working on writing My Personal Commandments, inspired by Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project. Gretchen describes her commandments as “The overarching principles by which I try to live my life.” I will be sharing my own list once I have it hammered out, but for now I want to share some thoughts on my #4: Be kinder than necessary.

Kindness is one of those things that we have to be intentional about if we are to make it a habit. Although I think it is essential to a meaningful life, it could be argued that it’s not necessary. It’s necessary to buy our groceries. It’s necessary to get where we need to go. It’s necessary to feed our bodies. It’s not necessary to let someone go ahead of you in traffic. It’s not necessary to do a favor for a co-worker or help a person get a hard-to-reach item at the grocery store. But of course, the idea behind the phrase “Be kinder than necessary” is that we shouldn’t stop at merely not being rude or unkind; we should take that one extra step—or two or three or four extra steps—to improve the lives of the people we come into contact with.

I think one of the simplest ways to show kindness is to ask someone in the service industry how they are doing. My husband is an excellent example of this to me. If we are at a restaurant, going through a drive-through, or making a purchase at  a store, he will almost without fail ask the person serving us how they are doing. And almost without fail the employee’s face will brighten. This is usually followed by some kind of light-hearted banter, silliness, or conversation that visibly alters the person’s mood.

My personality is a bit more reserved than my husband’s, so striking up conversation with a stranger doesn’t come as naturally for me. Nevertheless, I have been pushing myself more lately to simply ask people how they are doing. The other day I was having breakfast with a friend and when our waitress asked how we were doing I missed my chance to ask her back. I made a mental note to be sure to ask her when she came back around (which, I think, ended up being more meaningful). When I asked that simple question—how are you doing?—you would have thought, due to the surprised look on her face, that I had told her I knew some personal secret of hers. She let out a sigh that seemed to be indicative of a stressful morning, said she was doing pretty well, and added, “Thanks for asking!” with a tone that seemed to communicate this was an unusual occurrence.

It made me a little sad to think that such a simple action—with apparently great power to brighten someone’s day—seems to be often neglected by the general population. And it makes me a little sad to think of all the opportunities I’ve missed to make someone’s day a bit better because I was too engrossed in my routine to say four little words.

Sometimes kindness involves spending a little cash, and we certainly shouldn’t shy away from that, but so many "unnecessary" acts of kindness don't cost anything but a little extra thought and attention. And if one of your goals in life is to treat others how you want to be treated, it turns out that all these little acts of kindness are essential after all. And a beautiful fringe benefit of showing kindness is that it has a way of improving our lives in the process.

A wise ancient king once said it like this:

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched,

and one who waters will himself be watered.

(Proverbs 11:25)

*Full quote:“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." J.M. Barrie