Thoughts on Marriage--from a Rookie

I married my opposite. It's true. And whether or not it's true across the board that "opposites attract," my husband and I are proof of at least two opposites who did. When I say opposite, I mean total opposite (not in worldview--we agree on almost all important issues). Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? Well, we don't have a single letter in common. He's an extrovert (ish); I'm an Introvert. He's a Thinker; I'm a Feeler, etc. I was warned that we would most likely have difficulty because of our opposite natures. I have also been told that couples who are opposites often develop a very deep connectedness over time because of how much they truly need and balance each other out. Like any married couple, we have had miscommunications and misunderstandings, but I have found that while it's true that we are both selfish people, these little bumps in the road have usually boiled down to our differences in personality. The beautiful thing is that these differences are also being used in our marriage to make us both better people. But I think the only reason that this is true is first of all because of the grace of God, but secondly, because we both view marriage as a tool that the Lord uses to help shape us into the people He wants us to be, which is more like His Son (Romans 8:29). From the start, we sought to see marriage not as a means to our own happiness (though it has brought happiness), but as a school in which we learn to follow Jesus together. We are committed to each others' personal improvement and growth in Christ-likeness.

Here are  some of the ways that we have helped/ are helping each other:

He has helped me to become more assertive; I've helped him become more empathetic.
I've encouraged him to be more patient; he's shown me that there is a time for anger, and his heart for justice has challenged my "let's not rock the boat" attitude.
I drink my coffee black now--which means less sugar consumption =)
He eats more fruits and veggies.
He's helped me set goals instead of simply flying by the seat of my pants; I've (gently, I hope) reminded him that it's ok when things don't go as planned.
He's helped me to see the best in others when I begin to judge; I've helped him to see the best in others when he begins to judge.
I've encouraged him to read more fiction; he helped me conquer my fear of math.
He's helped me to care less about how others perceive me; I've reminded him that sometimes following social norms (even when they don't make sense) is simply a way to be considerate of others

This isn't an exhaustive list by any means (and by the way, Geoff is fine with me sharing these things with you =).We are daily learning how to follow our Lord together, daily seeking to deny ourselves and serve each other and others. Together we are learning to show hospitality and to allow interruptions in our lives for the sake of doing the things Jesus teaches his disciples to do.

If you are married and find yourself struggling against all the ways you are different from each other, I encourage you to see those things as opportunities to grow. How is your spouse strong where you are weak? Is something you see as a "flaw" in his/her character really just an area where he/she is different from you--an area that maybe you can try to understand more, instead of automatically judging? Even if it is a flaw, don't you wish to receive grace when it comes to your flaws? Seek to be your spouse's very best fan. Strive to help him/her become the very best that he/she can be, not by nagging, but through prayer, example, gentle encouragement, and by showing that you love and accept him/her no matter what. This takes practice...I'm learning right along with you.

If you are single or dating, don't settle for someone who doesn't challenge you to become a better person, but also, seek to be someone who encourages others by words and example to always be improving and growing in Christ-likeness. Hollywood has duped the masses into thinking that marriage is either a joke, or that romantic feelings are the ultimate goal of a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. In the movies, you don't see the long, hard process of learning to become one. You don't see the growth. You don't see how a marriage with someone who is committed to your best, committed to helping you become all you were intended to be, is far more fulfilling than the "flutters" that you get on a first date.

I don't consider myself an authority on marriage--I've only been married a little over a year. I want to learn from the wisdom of those who have been at this much longer than I have. But I do, with a little fear and trembling,want to share what I'm (still) learning along the way. Marriage with Geoff is this beautiful treasure that I don't always cherish as I should. He is so incredibly patient with me, and so wholly committed to helping me become all that the Lord wants me to be. He accepts me as I am, but part of how he shows me love is by challenging me and pushing me to excel in greater ways. And I seek to do the same for him, because love accepts, but also has an imagination. It can imagine all the good and all the beauty that has yet to emerge in the life of the one who is loved. It says I love you, but for your sake and for His name's sake, I want for you even more abundance, even more joy, even more discovery...

even more.