My Story and the "Old, Old Story"

There are few things that, if I meditate upon for very long, produce the kind of response in me that the kindness and faithfulness of the Lord do. Oh, I am definitely not always as thankful as I ought to be. But, if I pause long enough to think upon all that I have been given and all that I have been spared, my heart that is far too often cold and indifferent, begins to warm and be elevated in praise.

"On you I was cast from birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God." *

I can see her there on the couch, curled up in her blue robe, burning the midnight oil as she mined The Word, searching for treasure. From her example I learned to do the same as a young girl, little knowing the worth of creating those grooves, familiar territory my feet would return to over and over again.

And when an optic nerve disease claimed her vision, the sound of her audio Bible could be heard many times throughout the day and night.

When she learned she was going blind, I remember her saying that she sang the song "You are My Hiding Place" to herself all the way home. On New Year's Eve last year, when the news came that a friend's wife had died suddenly--friends Geoff and I had just had breakfast with on Christmas Eve--we drove in shocked silence to be with a man now a widower. And I sang to myself, "You are my Hiding Place. You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance. Whenever I am afraid I will trust in you." And when we welcomed 2013 with tears and painful silence, I still knew He was with us.

I can see my dad, gently leading, faithfully teaching. I can see us driving in that old mini van to church, and hearing him tell us the significance of what we are about to do--of what it means to gather with other believers and worship the Living God.

I can see myself with my siblings, running to meet him at the door when he came home from work. His love and patience with us such reflections of God's.

And when seven years of depression claimed him from the dinner table and the drive to church, the seeds that were planted began to bear fruit, and I turned to God as Father like never before.

Like many, I've acquired my share of wounds from my childhood. Some perhaps by mistakes my parents made, some by my responses to those mistakes, and some by my own folly. It goes without saying that mom and dad weren't perfect.

But I'll be forever thankful for this: they taught me of Jesus.

And all throughout my life, in all the times I have been "prone to wander," I have always, always been drawn back, wooed by the grace and loving-kindness of the Lord.

Sometimes I'm stopped in my tracks, stunned by the goodness of a God who has never relaxed his grip upon me. I have doubted. I have been depressed, ungrateful, spiteful, self-pitying, and the list goes on. But He has been forgiving, patient, loving, merciful, relentless, and the list goes on.

In our Do-It-Yourself-Rugged-Individualist-I Did-it-My-Way Culture, it seems strange to say I wouldn't be who I am if not for another. But it's true. Though I may have come to know the grace of Jesus some other way, I'm so grateful that it happened this way, that over and over again I've been able to trace the lines of His faithfulness all the way back to my childhood. And that over and over again, through tears in my eyes, I've gotten to say, "Thank You. For all that I have been given, and for all that I have been spared of a life without You, Thank You."

It's not that my story is better that yours or that of anyone else. I confess there have been times that I've craved a more exciting "before and after" conversion story. But, I'm learning that the quiet, steady grace of the Lord is just as beautiful as the more attention-getting demonstrations of his power to save. I love that He calls us so uniquely and so perfectly--and that all of our stories flow out of and are swallowed up in The Story, "...an old, old story/ How a Savior came from glory/ How he gave his life on Calvary/ To save a wretch like me." However your story has unfolded, if you know this Savior, I suspect that if you pause long enough to think about it, gratitude will flood your heart as well.

"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written,“Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
 (1 Corinthians 1:26-30)

Yes, "redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'till I die. And shall be 'till I die..."


*Psalm 22:10

  Hymns: 
"Victory in Jesus," Eugene Monroe Bartlett, Sr
"There Is a Fountain Filled With Blood," William Cowper

Weird Things Christians Say

A few weeks ago Geoff and I were driving back from out of town and he asked me this question: Do you ever hear people say that they’ve really been “pressing in” to the Lord?” I thought about it and recalled hearing the phrase before. “What does that even mean?” He asked. We proceeded to have a discussion about what people might mean when they use that vague expression. We didn’t get very far though, because it was actually difficult to come up with any answers. Do they mean they’ve been praying more than usual? Do they mean they’ve been getting serious about other spiritual disciplines? Do they mean they’ve been repenting of bad habits and renewing their minds? Who really knows?

Another vague, but often used phrase/ idea is this: You just need to stop trying so hard and let God work through you. There are many variations on this one, such as “Let go and let God,” or “Don’t think so hard about it; just trust God,” etc. 

These ideas might sound nice in theory, but there’s a problem with them. They don’t make sense. For instance, what does it practically look like for me to stop trying and to simply let God do something through me? Say I am struggling with a specific sin or addiction, does this mean I don’t avail myself of any of the practical tools I have available in fighting temptation while I wait for this mystical experience of letting God work “through” me? Meanwhile, the opportunity and provocation to sin arise, but since it doesn’t seem like God is interested in working through me at the moment, I acquiesce to the temptation.

Also, it’s difficult to find any of the Biblical authors actually saying anything that resembles this hyper-spiritual Christian lingo. While Scripture does say, thankfully, that God is at work in us, it also assumes and even commands our active participation. To the Philippian church Paul says, “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:12-13). Yes, God is at work in us, but this ought never to be used as a cop-out. Rather, the very fact that God is at work in us is the motivation behind putting forth effort in our growth into Christ-likeness.

Dallas Willard notes that “This process of "conformation to Christ”… is constantly supported by grace, and otherwise would be impossible. But it is not therefore passive. Grace is opposed to earning, not to effort. In fact, nothing inspires and enhances effort like the experience of Grace. Yet it is today necessary to assert boldly and often that becoming Christlike never occurs without intense and well-informed action on our part.”

When I was in college, I spent a summer in Santa Cruz, California doing ministry among co-workers I met through a job on the beach boardwalk. While there, I attended a local church every Sunday. The pastor of the church was a very kind man who had experienced serious burn-out in ministry. He shared that, now that he was on the other side of that burn-out, he approached ministry and life in general differently. He said that his focus was no longer upon making plans, but upon what God wanted to do through him. He said that we need to get out of the way and let God live his life through us. It sounded like a really refreshing idea, and I remember thinking that I should try it out. But when it came down to practical application I was confused. Wait...so how is this supposed to work?

I understand that there is something to be said for holding our plans loosely. And the Christian life is certainly not meant to be one of pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps and trying really hard in a way that is divorced from the helps that God has given us, such as the support of a Christian community, prayer, and other disciplines. But trying really hard is not the problem. I don't see how Jesus could have meant we're not supposed to try when he said that we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

I fear that the “Just let God work through you” version of Christianity is doing many a disservice. We need to think through the things we tell others, as well as evaluate how we may be being influenced by the weird/untrue/inaccurate things others say.

 http://www.dwillard.org/articles/artview.asp?artID=168

The Discipline of Inspiration

I’m sitting at a quaint little coffee shop in Waco, Tx called Common Grounds. It’s that time of year when the weather is beginning to change, or we’ve at least received our first “cool” front, making it actually pleasant to be outside. Yes, I am sitting outside at almost two’oclock in the afternoon and it’s not scorching hot. The weather almost makes me giddy. A cool breeze blows and every once in a while I’ll notice a leaf falling from a tree and fluttering to the ground. I’m sitting on a velvet avocado green sofa on a charming little deck with a cinnamon roll muffin in front of me and the white noise of students talking in low voices around me. I’ve just had a conversation with a college student I know from back home and I feel revived. She’s just the kind of person I need in my life. The kind who is full of life and enthusiasm, free of cynicism, still hopeful and optimistic about the future. 

Ah, THIS. I love times like this. I feel a surge of excitement welling up within me. I see my life in a fresh light. I feel inspired.

Nothing earth-shattering has happened. Just a brief retreat from the normal routine of my life. Just a little time doing some of the things I love to do: sitting at a coffee shop, having a meaningful conversation, journaling, being in nature, having quality time with Geoff, enjoying good food and coffee and chai.

 I’ll drive back home today, back to the normal routine of my life. But, I have to ask myself this: if these things inspire me, if they help me to recover some of the excitement for life that at times seems to elude me, then why not seek them out more often? Why not seek out happy people and let their joy rub off on me? Why not slow down more often and simply enjoy some of God’s good gifts? Why not make a discipline of inspiration?

I don’t have to tell you that life is hard. An infant who’s been alive for five minutes already knows that survival is at times a grueling task. We’re harassed by struggles from without and the ever-present struggle of our own inner giants and demons. Even when all is well, we are not always well. And often we compound our own struggles by not availing ourselves of the rest and refreshment that are available to us. We may feel guilty indulging in some of life's simple pleasures. Maybe subconsciously we feel we don’t deserve them, and so foregoing them is some kind of penance. Maybe five minutes of quiet doesn't even seem possible in your current situation.

But I think it's worth fighting for the things that bring us joy, refreshment, and inspiration. I think maybe we can't afford not to fight for these things.

I'm not talking about lavish living. I'm not talking about selfishly neglecting the people or tasks that need our attention.

I'm talking about incorporating celebration into our lives. I'm talking about a way of life that seeks out those things that we know bring us joy and inspire us towards reaching our God-given potential. I'm talking about humbly opening up our hands to receive the good things the Lord has given that sweeten our days and leave us better equipped to carry out his mission on earth.

It's time we stop one-upping each other with our talk of how busy our lives are. It's time we eliminate the the unnecessary activities that only add stress and subtract peace. It's time we create space for the things that help breathe life into our souls.