The writer of Proverbs put it so well when he said, "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe (29:25 ESV).
The handy dandy dictionary.com defines snare like this:
snare
noun
1.
a device, often consisting of a noose, for capturing small game.
2.
anything serving to entrap or entangle unawares; trap.
A noose. Something that entraps or entangles. Yikes.
There are many places in Scripture where someone else is laying a snare. Unjust, evil people lay snares all the time. But in this case, the fear itself seems to be the trap-setter. But we all know that fear is an attitude or an emotion. And we are the ones responsible for our attitudes and emotions. So, when we fear others, we essentially set our own trap. We enslave ourselves. As much as we might want to blame some other person for being the source of our fear, we really can't do so honestly. The person we fear may be at fault in some other way, but only we can control how we respond.
The other night I tossed and turned as I tried to fall asleep. A comment made in passing by a friend reminded me of a relationship with another person in which I have felt hurt and misunderstood, and even mistreated. Thoughts and feelings that had been pushed aside in the past resurfaced and I felt a familiar knot return in the pit of my stomach. It turns out, a snare isn't very conducive to a good night's rest.
What I was craving most was to be completely understood. And I was going around in circles as I thought about the injustice of the situation. As if I could solve it then and there. As if my mental exercise would somehow telepathically communicate with this other person. As if it could change anything.
And in those moments of distorted thinking, I had placed my desire for approval--or my fear of what this person thinks of me--so high that it was impossible for me to love her. And I certainly wasn't loving God with all my mind. I was on a hamster wheel of futile thoughts.
But the first step to getting off of a hamster wheel is to realize you're on one to begin with. And the first step to being free from a trap is not to wish that there were no trap, or to give up on the idea of freedom and decide to think about interior trap decorating instead. Hmm...this is a nice shade of self-pity. Maybe a little bit of anger or gossip would look nice on the walls. After all, if I can't change this person, I might as well let others know what they're really like. Sometimes we need to be honest about what we're really doing before we can take steps to change.
I don't have a list of Five Ways to Overcome Fear of Man or Approval Addiction. But I can tell you this: Unless you're running from a lion or waking up to a burglar in your house, fear is often a trap. And it's a trap of our own making. But the rest of the verse from Proverbs says this:
"...but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."
Sometimes trusting the Lord seems like a pretty nebulous idea. But this is a good place to start: Trust that what He says is true. That forgiving those who wrong us is always the best option. That when all others fail us, He never will. That when we're misunderstood, He truly is enough.
Trust that "when all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay. On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand."
And there are so many more truths to take hold of.
And there are so many more truths to take hold of.
Preach them to yourself. Until the hamster wheel becomes a blessing, the truth going 'round and 'round in your mind. But now you're going somewhere. The hold of the snare is breaking and you're moving in the direction of love--loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving your once-feared neighbor.
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