Right now a piece of my heart is across the globe as one of my best friends serves Jesus in a foreign land. Tonight at our Christmas Eve service I saw the tears on her mom's face, tears of an aching heart, longing for her daughter and grandson this Christmas.
Days ago families in Newtown abruptly lost some of the ones they hold most dear. Their hearts are breaking this Christmas.
A friend will face her first Christmas without her brother on this earth. So much hurt for her and her family this Christmas.
This is a difficult time for so many. And even though I am surrounded by family and have so much blessing in my life right now, it's easy to slip into a bit of melancholy. This world is not as it should be. I am not as I should be. Even today I found myself fretting over trivial things like gift giving, and caring far too much about thoughtless words spoken to me. I, who say I believe in this One who brings peace on earth, am so easily disquieted.
But I long for Jesus to come and fix what is broken in this world, and what is broken in me.
And sometimes the Christmas spirit, I think, is simply holding on to what is true. We can want so much to create this atmosphere of mirth, this feeling that it seems we are supposed to have, that when we don't always have it, we feel let down. But this Christmas, in the midst of so much sadness in the world, what hope is there for those who cannot possibly experience the feelings that we so often associate with the Christmas Spirit? I think part of the hope is that we don't have to feel anything in particular for there to still be hope. Because the truth of Christmas, the truth of who Jesus is, is outside of us and transcends any feeling or experience that we have. I can't conjure up feelings of joy or mirth. But you know what does move me, what does give me hope? When I think about the fact that I am a part of a Story that is so much bigger than me, when I think about how the God of history, the God who spun this world into existence, has had a plan from the beginning of time to make a people for himself. And that He sent His Son, Jesus, into the beauty and the mess of humanity to accomplish this goal--that He was born, He lived, He died, He rose again, and He is coming again. That He is going to give us resurrected bodies and make all things new and we will spend infinity of time loving and worshiping Him and exploring and learning about Him and His world.
The fact that I don't need to make myself feel anything is liberating. When I think about this story that I have been swept up in, often feelings of joy do come. But my hope is not based upon them. My Hope is in the Person of Jesus and all that He is for me as I stake my life upon Him.
There's a wonderful account in John's Gospel of an exchange between Jesus and Simon Peter. Jesus has just fed the five thousand and presented his followers with some challenging words. Many of them can't accept the things he says and turn from following him. Jesus asks his disciples, "Do you want to go away as well?" But Simon Peter replies, rather matter-of-factly it seems,“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God” (John 6:67-69).
I find myself echoing those words, To whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life. There really is no other option. On my best days and on my worst days, and when the world seems like it's spinning out of control, He was and is and always has been the only one worthy of my absolute trust and confidence. I cling to Him this Christmas.
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