Say it Today

There is always sadness in the world. That's nothing new. But it seems lately that there is an extra amount of sadness and loss around me. The loss of Geoff's grandfather, Papaw Felix. Friends losing loved ones. Violence and death in my city and around the world.

With all of this loss, and the kind words spoken in the midst of grief, I've found myself wondering,
but do we honor people enough while they are with us, while we have the chance to speak with them face to face?

I am all for honoring people when they have died, but how sad it would if our loved ones never heard while they are living the things we would say at their funerals.

Why wait to truly celebrate a life until a person breathes their last? Why not make birthdays more than cake and present time, but a chance to stand in awe of a never-to-be-replicated creation of God, an opportunity to lavish encouragement and kinds words on our loved ones (true things, not flattery)? In fact, why not do that every day? Why wait to offer the encouragement and praise that could enrich, and maybe even transform a life?

Proverbs 12:25 says, "Anxiety weighs down the human heart, but a good word cheers it up." I know, as I'm sure you do as well, the power of words. Some words have caused me to retreat. Some negative words have so entwined themselves into my psyche that it's taken years to unravel their damage. Other words have inspired me to be the best version of myself and have been invaluable in helping me to persevere through difficulties. In the same way that a negative or unkind word can push us over the edge in making us want to give up or walk away from some dream, so a kind, encouraging word can be just the push we need to keep moving in the direction of our calling. Hearing that others believe in us, that they see beauty and potential and unique possibility in us--this breathes life into our souls.

Please hear me when I say I write this for myself just as much as anyone else who may benefit from this reminder. This might sound morbid (in this case, the end justifies the  means), but sometimes I try to imagine what I would say about a person I know, were I to speak at their funeral. Then, I try to find a way to say those things. Unfortunately, I don't do this often enough. Too often I let time pass and the routine of my life get in the way of saying those life-giving words.

So, it is to myself and to you that I pose these questions:

Is there a word you've been meaning to speak, but have put off saying? Loved ones who need to hear how you love and appreciate them? A "thank you" that has gone unpoken?

Say it today. Let's liberally scatter our kinds words while we have the chance. We're not guaranteed another opportunity.

My Deepest Awareness (or what I want it to be)

Yesterday was a self-care day of sorts. I was off of work and received a wonderful 80 minute massage from a co-worker I trade with. I went to my chiropractor and got an adjustment. My pastor's daughter needed a ride from school, so I picked her up and we went to Starbucks and enjoyed chatting. She's one of my favorite people, so spending time with her is always a treat. After we consumed our lattes, I was struck with the fancy to go back to my house where it would  be more cozy, so we did just that--and ended up watching one of my all-time favorite movies, You've Got Mail, which for a sixteen-year-old probably seemed archaic. When Geoff got home we were still watching the movie, so he went to the store and then cooked dinner.

I know,  my life is so hard.

But at the end of the day, I found myself feeling like I needed to accomplish something. I somewhat neurotically folded and put away laundry, wanting to have completed at least some household chore before climbing into bed.

And I realized that I often feel more valuable as a person when I am accomplishing some measurable task.

Of course, accomplishing tasks is a good and necessary thing. But it seems there is something broken in us if we feel the need to do some kind of penance after a simple, care-free day. I had to remind myself that God does not love me based upon my work output. I don't earn points with him with each check on my to-do list. And He does not love me any less when I have had a day of rest and enjoyment.

Brennan Manning, a man who has been instrumental in my spiritual healing, once said, “My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.” But although his words have impacted me powerfully, in the day-to-day moments of my life, I often subconsciously live as though this were not true. As with most truths, we need to be reminded of them over and over again. And I wonder how our lives might look if we always lived with this as our "deepest awareness"--that we are irrevocably loved by Christ, and that just as there is nothing for us to prove in order to earn his love, there is nothing for him to do to prove his love. He did it all already in his life poured out and raised on our behalf.

The Apostle Paul prayed this prayer for the Ephesian church:

"...that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God" (Ephesians 3:16-19).

I'm not a Bible scholar, but I would venture to guess that Paul prayed for the Ephesians to "have strength to comprehend" the love of Christ, because he knew that in spite of all the evidence, Christ Followers would have difficulty grasping a love that goes against their own selfish nature. We imagine how we love and project that onto God. But He is completely other. There is no honeymoon phase with God, nor is He surprised by the real us after we've said I do to him.

 He loves us on our hectic, crazy days. He loves us on our productive days and on our restful days. But wouldn't it be a wonderful thing for every day to be a day of rest? That no matter how how much work we accomplish or how full our schedule is, our souls would be settled and resting in this fact: "I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it." 

Charles Spurgeon once said this to his congregation:

“I sometimes wonder that you do not get tired of my preaching, because I do nothing but hammer away on this one nail. With me it is, year after year, ‘None but Jesus!’ Oh, you great saints, if you have outgrown the need of a sinner’s trust in the Lord Jesus, you have outgrown your sins, but you have also outgrown your grace, and your saintship has ruined you!”

I so want my anthem to be 'None but Jesus!'  Not my performance. Not my accomplishments. Not my reputation. But Jesus.

There is little danger of us abusing this confession to excuse our lazy, selfish ends when we see that his love also comes with a call to follow him in loving others. But even on the days we do this poorly, we can have the calm assurance that we are loved even still. 

Oh, how he loves you and me.

 

Hamster Wheels,Traps, and a Step Towards Freedom

For as long as I can remember, I have wrestled with something. Some call it fear of man. Some call it people pleasing. It's not so much a fear pf physical harm, as it is a fear of what people think, and wanting very much for them to think well of you. Whatever you might call it, if you struggle with this issue, you know this--it can be a prison.

The writer of Proverbs put it so well when he said, "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe (29:25 ESV).

The handy dandy dictionary.com defines snare like this:

snare 

noun

1.

a device, often consisting of a noose, for capturing small game.

2.

anything serving to entrap or entangle unawares; trap.

A noose. Something that entraps or entangles. Yikes.  

There are many places in Scripture where someone else is laying a snare. Unjust, evil people lay snares all the time. But in this case, the fear itself seems to be the trap-setter. But we all know that fear is an attitude or an emotion. And we are the ones responsible for our attitudes and emotions. So, when we fear others, we essentially set our own trap. We enslave ourselves. As much as we might want to blame some other person for being the source of our fear, we really can't do so honestly. The person we fear may be at fault in some other way, but only we can control how we respond. 

The other night I tossed and turned as I tried to fall asleep. A comment made in passing by a friend reminded me of a relationship with another person in which I have felt hurt and misunderstood, and even mistreated. Thoughts and feelings that had been pushed aside in the past resurfaced and I felt a familiar knot return in the pit of my stomach. It turns out, a snare isn't very conducive to a good night's rest.  

What I was craving most was to be completely understood. And I was going around in circles as I thought about the injustice of the situation. As if I could solve it then and there. As if my mental exercise would somehow telepathically communicate with this other person. As if it could change anything.

And in those moments of distorted thinking, I had placed my desire for approval--or my fear of what this person thinks of me--so high that it was impossible for me to love her. And I certainly wasn't loving God with all my mind. I was on a hamster wheel of futile thoughts.  

But the first step to getting off of a hamster wheel is to realize you're on one to begin with. And the first step to being free from a trap is not to wish that there were no trap, or to give up on the idea of freedom and decide to think about interior trap decorating instead. Hmm...this is a nice shade of self-pity. Maybe a little bit of anger or gossip would look nice on the walls. After all, if I can't change this person, I might as well let others know what they're really like. Sometimes we need to be honest about what we're really doing before we can take steps to change. 

 I don't have a list of  Five Ways to Overcome Fear of Man or Approval Addiction. But I can tell you this: Unless you're running from a lion or waking up to a burglar in your house, fear is often a trap. And it's a trap of our own making. But the rest of the verse from Proverbs says this:

                                         "...but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."

Sometimes trusting the Lord seems like a pretty nebulous idea. But this is a good place to start: Trust that what He says is true. That forgiving those who wrong us is always the best option. That when all others fail us, He never will. That when we're misunderstood, He truly is enough. 

Trust that "when all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay. On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand."

And there are so many more truths to take hold of.

Preach them to yourself. Until the hamster wheel becomes a blessing, the truth going 'round and 'round in your mind. But now you're going somewhere. The hold of the snare is breaking and you're moving in the direction of love--loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving your once-feared neighbor.