Today = Your Life

The saying goes, "How you live your days is how you live your life," and I'm not so sure I like that saying today. Not because it's not true, but because it is all too true. And I'm not proud of how I live every day. There is too much wasted time. And not enough kind words spoken. There is too much "stinkin' thinkin'." And not enough out on limbs loving.

Since moving into our rent house, a nearby cemetery has become a regular sight in our routes to various places. Typically, I can't drive by without noticing the graves and wondering about the people who are buried there. And I rarely pass by without this thought crossing my mind: someday you're going to die too. I'm thankful for this healthy reminder.

I started reading "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" once. It's a little ironic that I never finished it. And don't worry, this isn't going to be a post lauding laziness disguised as free-spiritedness and embracing myself just as I am because, after all, there's grace (oh, wait, maybe you were hoping for that...). Because I am realizing this: I'll never do the things I don't set out to do. It's not that not finishing the book was some horrible sin, but a pile of unfinished tasks that I don't complete due to a lack of discipline probably is. Sunday after Sunday rolls around, and as I reflect on the past week, often it seems like I'm just the same person that I was the week before...and the week before. I know change is probably happening in small ways that are at times imperceptible to me, but I also know that generally, change and growth aren't simply going to fall upon me. I must have an active roll in my own progress. No one else can take these steps for me, a hard realization for someone who is chronically indecisive and not as much of a self-starter as I would like to be (see what I did there?  I labeled myself...easier to excuse my behavior that way). A friend once said, "Change happens in the specifics," and for such a simple statement it could be quite monumental if applied. My vague resolutions each week to do or be better aren't likely to yield much fruit, but working on a specific habit that I want to change, or implementing one that I would like to change me? That seems like a good place to start.

I normally take naps on Sunday afternoons, and believe me, I am a big proponent of naps. But I also know that I usually sleep too long and wake up groggy and out of sorts, and the afternoon is gone. Today I am trying something new: I decided to write instead. Later, I will spend some time reading and reflecting on today's sermon. Week after week I yearn for change, and week after week I do the same things over and over. It's time to change it up. Not to throw out habits and routines, but to hold on to the ones I know are good, and to try some new ones as well. Change happens in the specifics, so I'll make specific changes, and with The Resurrected Jesus at work within me, I know the odds are in my favor. In fact, God's plan all along has been to make me like his Son. But all through Scripture I see that this won't happen apart from my cooperation. I am called to action. I am called to put on good habits and to put other ones to death. I am called to endure, to persevere, to fight the good fight.

I have one life to live. This. Right Here. Right Now. When I string all of my todays together, that will have been it, this side of a resurrected body at least. But on most days I don't think this really sinks in. We are creatures so deeply entrenched in our habits and thought patterns and I've grown used to counting on tomorrow and assuming I'll have a chance later on to really get serious about who I am and who I'm becoming. But oh, if I could emblazon this on my heart, that all of my right nows and all of my todays and right-this-seconds are my life and added all up will be it's sum total! It's a simple equation that I should probably write on my mirror and look at every morning: Today = your life (my math loving husband would be proud).

For a forgetful disciple in need of change, Lord have mercy.