When Cups Overflow

I was contemplating what to make for dinner tonight. That seems to be a never-ending question, doesn't it? What to make to feed these bodies? Pulling up to our apartment, I noticed Geoff's car, and  was surprised to see him home in the middle of the afternoon. When I walked in, he informed me that a friend of ours had made us dinner and so he had come home during a break to drop it off. And just like that, dinner was taken care of. Such a small thing, but it really blessed me. It meant I didn't have to go to the grocery store, didn't have to spend time cooking, and instead could spend that time doing something else (like writing this post =).

My heart was so full; I found myself saying...man, I need a bigger cup to hold all these blessings! It seems everywhere I turn lately, I am finding some blessing, some provision, some reminder of the faithfulness and kindness of the Lord. I know the whole cup imagery is just that--imagery, but it's just so fitting. King David uses it in Psalm 23 when he says, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." Not only is his cup full, it overflows. And I can say that not only has the Lord given me what I need, I have more than enough.  No, we didn't win the lottery. We didn't have some big nest egg when we got married. Geoff is still a private teacher, and I don't even work full time. But we have enough...more than enough. And compared to many, we are rich indeed. But I don't need a bigger cup to hold it all. We don't need a bigger apartment, more space to hold our belongings. I don't need or want to "build barns" to store more (see Luke 12:18).

I want to stand here, drenched in these blessings, lavished not only with material goods, but with the love of Christ (I have been called a child of God--and get to call God Father!--I John 3:1), and allow blessing to overflow into the lives of others, both near and far. I don't want a bigger cup--I want open hands. I want a surrendered calendar. I want an increased capacity for loving people when the introvert in me just wants to go home and take a nap. Don't get me wrong, naps are good, and sometimes can be the most God-honoring thing we can do, but I don't have to have them. I don't have to have "me time." Perhaps I'll see the power of Jesus in me the most when I've reached my limit, but press on to hear him say, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (II Corinthians 12:9).

The amazing thing about that meal from our friend is that it didn't come from someone who has a lot of extra to give. I know her story. I know (some of) her struggles. I know she is a single mom who works multiple jobs to provide for her children. But she wanted to bless us, and she did.

And because of her, my cup is running over a bit more.

Questions

I want a bigger life. This one I have is small. Big with me, but too small with others--too small when it comes to being poured out. Too small when it comes to giving. I give, and the little I do give I know goes a long way, but I haven't even begun to feel that I am sacrificing at all. I still have so much. My giving is from abundance. My savings account continues to grow, but what of the little ones who will die tonight from a disease that is completely preventable, totally curable? What of the ones whose bellies swell, not from childhood obesity, but from starvation? I wrestle with these questions. This place I call "home" says that I deserve all that I have and more. With the beginning of cooler weather, I am tempted to think I "need" more wardrobe options, as if the things I wore last year are somehow now insufficient. I know looking nice is not a sin, but is buying a new shirt really all that urgent when so much could be done with that $20 to meet an actual need? Tonight I question and I ache a bit. It's not guilt, it's a deep longing for a bigger life. It's a deep knowing that there's more that I can do, but not yet knowing quite how to do it. So I will seek to be faithful with where I am and with what I have. I will ask the Lord to help me love each person that comes across my path with His love. I will ask Him to open my eyes to what and who is before me--right in front of me. I won't waste time wondering what to do; I will simply do the next thing that He has called me to, all the while asking, Lord, what else? What else would you have me do? 

Why Me?: Guilt, Gratitude, and Giving

I was putting away leftovers from dinner tonight  and after filling one container, I had to reach for a second one (and this was just the main meal--I had already put the asparagus in one container). As I was doing this the thought came to mind that we are rich. I mean, while many people in the world went to bed hungry tonight, I was filling containers with food after Geoff and I had both had our fill. Then, I had to make room in the refrigerator for our bounty. I found myself saying, Why me? Why should I be so blessed? Really, why? Perhaps the reason this juxtaposition of my abundance with the world's need had such an effect on me tonight in particular is because I have had this image in my mind for the past few days that has not wanted to leave. I ran across a picture of an extremely malnourished African boy and his mother. We've all seen pictures of starving children, but this one was different (somehow even more tragic?) The boy had the skinniest legs you could imagine, almost giving the appearance that he was standing on stilts. and you could see his ribs through his skin. His mother had a similar appearance. It was startling and unnerving and unnatural.

So, as I was scooping leftovers into containers, the image of that boy with his mom simply would not leave. Why should I be so blessed? I must have asked myself that question ten more times before and and as I was trying to go to sleep. It was a rhetorical-type question, really. I wasn't expecting some kind of an answer. It was sort of my way of driving home to myself the fact that I have so much to be grateful for. But as I was lying in bed, asking that question one more time, why should I be so blessed, the words came to me,

So you can be a blessing.

Oh.

Maybe it sounds cliche. But those words came to me tonight in a fresher way than they ever have. Of course! These blessings aren't meant for me to hoard. I don't have the ultimate answer as to why I have while others do not. I don't mean to give some pat answer for the complexities of the world's suffering. But I know what having must mean for me. It means I have a responsibility and a privilege to share with others. My blessing ought to mean blessing for others.

You see, so often our response to profound need is to feel guilt. We feel guilty for having so much, so maybe we go through a time of feeling bad about purchasing anything new, but then, after a while that feeling wears off and we're back to where we were before. But I really think that guilt is not a good motivator for change. Instead, in the face of all we have been given, our response should be deep and profound gratitude, and then with grateful hearts, our next step should be to give. Guilt paralyzes. Gratitude propels.

I'm still figuring out what being a grateful person and a giving person looks like. I'm pretty certain (know for a fact) that I don't do all that I can or ought to do. But I am learning and I'm wrestling and I'm being stretched. Will you join me on this journey of learning how to be a blessing to others, how to be wise with the bounty we have been given? This isn't about guilt. It's about gratitude. It's about shifting our perspective in how we perceive our "needs." It's about discovering the paradox that the more we give away, the richer we become, that the way to find our life has always been to lose it for the sake of others. This is the Jesus way, the way that I'm finding to be beautiful and painful, but oh, so worth it.