Questions

I want a bigger life. This one I have is small. Big with me, but too small with others--too small when it comes to being poured out. Too small when it comes to giving. I give, and the little I do give I know goes a long way, but I haven't even begun to feel that I am sacrificing at all. I still have so much. My giving is from abundance. My savings account continues to grow, but what of the little ones who will die tonight from a disease that is completely preventable, totally curable? What of the ones whose bellies swell, not from childhood obesity, but from starvation? I wrestle with these questions. This place I call "home" says that I deserve all that I have and more. With the beginning of cooler weather, I am tempted to think I "need" more wardrobe options, as if the things I wore last year are somehow now insufficient. I know looking nice is not a sin, but is buying a new shirt really all that urgent when so much could be done with that $20 to meet an actual need? Tonight I question and I ache a bit. It's not guilt, it's a deep longing for a bigger life. It's a deep knowing that there's more that I can do, but not yet knowing quite how to do it. So I will seek to be faithful with where I am and with what I have. I will ask the Lord to help me love each person that comes across my path with His love. I will ask Him to open my eyes to what and who is before me--right in front of me. I won't waste time wondering what to do; I will simply do the next thing that He has called me to, all the while asking, Lord, what else? What else would you have me do?