Dear Young Women of the World

Dear Young Women of the World,

How do I say this gently?  Sometimes you settle for what is less than ideal. And by that I mean, sometimes you date cads. You date the guys who attract you with their seemingly strong and in-control ways, but who really just try to control you. You date the guys who boast of their relational exploits but somehow get you to believe that you're special and different--and yes, you're special, but not to him. You date the bad boys and feel a rush of adrenaline and begin to think that good guys are just too boring.  

Why do you do this? Maybe it’s the fear that your options won’t get any better. Maybe it’s the distaste for being alone. Maybe it’s the lie that this moment is all there is.

Believe me, I know it can be a struggle. I’ve had my share of what felt like rejection. I’ve known my share of creeps and God-told-me-we should-be-together-spiritual manipulator-types. I’ve made some errors in judgment. I've watched my friends marry the good guys and wonder if there would be any left by the time my turn came around.

But thankfully, I learned from my mistakes. And thankfully, if I ever settled, it was short-lived and the damage wasn’t too deep.

But will you hear me on this? If you’re settling now and you know it, how long will you let it go on? If you don’t have the resolve to end it now, do you think your habits will change before you’re ready to be married? And, why stay with a man who you know is not good husband material, who you would not want to be the father of your children (hint: bad boys don't make good dads).

And there’s so much more at stake here than whether you are single for a little longer than you would prefer. There’s this grand story of redemption being enacted this very moment and we all have the choice of whether we’ll join in and have a role or wake up one day to the tragedy that we followed our own script and the story went right on without us. But perhaps an even more serious realization will be that following our own script was never some harmless, neutral option, but that doing so left undone a host of good things that could have been done and maybe even did some damage to others in the process. 

That young girl you knew? She could have seen you as an example.You could have pointed her towards a good and beautiful way of living, but instead you were busy doing what felt good at the moment. That elderly widow at church? She could have taught you that prayer is one of the wisest ways to spend your time and she could have shown you what perseverance looks like. That marriage you always thought would be wonderful to have? The one where you worshiped and prayed and served together? The one where you practiced hospitality and that radiated with loving sacrifice and pointed others to the Living God? You never experienced it because Mr. Bad Boy never left the picture and now every day is a struggle to stay married to the one you promised to be faithful to, who never changed like you hoped he would.

Does this sound bleak? I hope it does. I hope that you don’t think you are the exception. Yes, Jesus forgives. But you can’t re-live what could have been and you can’t undo what has been.

If there are red flags, they are there for a reason. If others are warning you or giving you advice, it’s because they love you. Listen. Proverbs says that the wise listen to instruction and become even wiser. It also says that fools don’t listen to instruction and it has a lot to say about the consequences they face. Oh, would you be wise? Would you choose to have a role in the beautiful story of Jesus’ kingdom coming on earth? Would you look to examples of wise women who are giving their lives away in service to others, and who are finding greater fulfillment and joy than they ever thought possible? Would you build your life upon the firm foundation of Jesus’ teachings, so that when the rain and storms come, your house will stand? 

Dear Young Women of the World, we need you. We need your hands and feet. We need your intellect. We need your hearts of compassion. We need your creativity. The Church needs you. The world needs you. It has enough young women who are living for what feels good and what’s comfortable and who can’t see past today. It has enough young women who are doing more harm than good. So please settle this: to not settle. I promise, you won’t regret it.