On Waiting Well

Some things you write about because you feel you have come through to the other side and can offer insight and help to others who may be going through similar situations. Some things you write about because you’re still in the midst of it and writing about it is a way to process your thoughts as well as invite others into your journey. This post will be more of the latter. Not written out of any expertise, but rather my current (and I’m sure ongoing) need to learn to wait well.

We wait for many things in life. Red lights to turn green. Dinner to be ready. Waiters to bring our food. Doctors to  finally see us. Planes to take off. Packages to arrive. The list goes on and on. Waiting well in these situations is important, but not always quite as formative or anxiety-inducing as waiting for things like medical test results, a deep desire to come to fruition (and wondering if it ever will), or a decision about a huge life change to be worked out.

Lately, I’ve found myself in a state of waiting for various “big” things and the question that’s been rolling around in my mind is, how do I wait well? Because there’s certainly a way to not wait well. Not waiting well would be to obsessively think about the thing I am waiting for, hindering me from being present in the moment. I would not be waiting well if I were filled with anxiety about outcomes. I would not be waiting well if I envied the people who have the things I want, are in the life stages I would like to be in, or who seem to be settled into a rhythm of life, without any major decisions or outcomes to be determined (although, we rarely can go for very long without coming into a period of waiting for something).

So, how do we wait well? Here are some ideas: 

1. Do the good that is before you to do. 

A wise missionary friend recently pointed out that we sometimes wait around, wondering what good thing we are supposed to be doing. After all, Paul does say, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." So, if God has good works prepared, how do I know which ones I'm supposed to do? What if I overstep my bounds and end up doing the good works prepared for someone else? Yes, Paul says God has prepared good works for us to walk in, but this should be an incentive to be obedient and get crackin', not an excuse for laziness disguised as super spirituality. More often than not, the good we can do is quite obvious, and there is quite enough to go around. And this is one of the best ways to wait well, because not only will we find ourselves obeying Jesus and blessing the people around us, we will also be able to shift our focus from ourselves and in doing so, find great freedom from the discontentment or anxiety that may be hounding us.

      2. Practice being present in the moment.

      This one is, of course, easier said than done, but it is essential for anyone desiring to wait well. Because being perpetually focused on the next thing will only cause you to waste today. So, you may (like me) need to start small. For example, I have noticed a tendency in myself to get antsy once I've finished dinner at a restaurant. Even with a group of people I love, I am often anxious to move on to the next thing on the agenda, even if we haven't received our check. One thing I have always admired about my parents is their ability to linger over a meal and just sit and enjoy conversation even after the dishes are cleared. Maybe if we learn to be present in these smaller ways, we would be able to discipline ourselves to be present and engaged as we wait on bigger events to unfold. As we anchor ourselves to the moment, we will be more effective in our tasks at hand and better able to see the good works before us to do, as discussed in #1. And as a fringe benefit, we'll probably have more fun along the way.

      3. Turn your pity parties inside out. 

      As we wait, it can be all too easy to fall into the trap of self-pity. Others' lives may seem to be moving along more smoothly than ours, they may have things we desire and are waiting to have, etc. Our observation (usually lacking all the facts) turns to envy and our envy turns to feeling sorry for ourselves. Why can't things work out like that for me? Why aren't people more sensitive to what I'm going through/ waiting for? Before we know it, we can spiral into a state of depression, all because we feel entitled to our lives being the cookie cutter version of the success or ease we perceive in someone else. But do you know one of the greatest anecdotes to self-pity? In this instance, it would seem we need to focus less on others, but the opposite is true: we need to focus upon others more, just not in relation to ourselves. We need to look at their lives and see them, not what we want but don't have. And we will soon find that they too have things that they are waiting or longing for, or nagging trials and irritations just like we do. Contrary to what your therapist might tell you, one of the greatest anecdotes for self-pity is not self-love, self-care, or self-esteem; it is compassion, love, care, and esteem of others. It is service. We need to turn our pity parties inside out so that the gut feelings we have for ourselves become directed towards others. So that we serve the ones we envy until our envy dissolves into compassion. So that we serve the ones around us who may still be passed over and nameless to us, but who will soon become not only the served, but the blessed servants in our own healing--the healing that comes from the death of self-love.

      I have only listed three things. Three things that I desperately need to make real in my life. There is, of course, much more that can be said about this subject. And as you can see, there is so much more to waiting well than simply letting time pass. To wait well we must enter into time, enter into the seconds and minutes of each day, and actively seek to  be changed, for change is always needed. From our birth to our death, our lives will be filled with waiting. It will do us no good to fight reality or try to bend it to our liking. Rather, with all the varieties and degrees of waiting before us, we would be wise to learn that waiting well must be sought with humility and intentionality, and will always involve learning to love our neighbor as ourselves.