Books I Read in 2015

As is often the case with New Year’s plans, I started out this year with high hopes of reading much more than I did the year before. I started out pretty strong, but then hit an emotional slump for a few months that made it difficult for me to maintain momentum in my reading habit. But, for better or worse, here is a list of some of the books I was able to read this year (I broke my laptop where I had the list I was keeping at the beginning of the year, so a few titles escape me). I’ve made notes on the ones that impacted me the most.

1. All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
2. The Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling
3. Ender’s Shadow by Orson Scott Card-The sequel to Ender’s Game and probably one of my favorite fiction books. I loved the first book, but this one was even better. Read it.
4. The Scorch Trials by James Dashner
5. Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (a re-read)
6. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis-I had started this when I was younger, but couldn’t get through it then. It made so much more sense to me this go-’round, and of course, was filled with wise and helpful insights (there’s a reason it’s a classic). I plan to read it again soon.
7. She is MIne: A War Orphan’s Story of Survival by Stephanie Fast-this book was very intense. I had a hard time getting through certain parts because of the heaviness of the subject matter, but couldn’t put it down at the same time. It is the story of a particular orphan girl, but offers a heartbreaking and sobering glimpse into the plight of orphans in general. It’s also a story of hope and redemption,
8. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben
9. The Slight Edge: Turning SImple Decisions Into Massive Success and Happiness by Jeff Olson-Geoff and I read this together and found it to be very helpful. The author talks about how our daily habits make all the difference in whether our lives move in a positive or negative direction.
10. For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards  by Jen Hatmaker
11. Nobody’s Cuter Than You by Melanie Shankle

1. Water from a Deep Well  by Gerald Sitzer  (I started this in 2014, but a pretty sure I finished it in 2015)
2. Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl: Wide-Eyed Wonder in God’s Spoken World by N.D. Wilson-I loved so many parts of this book. Other parts I really didn’t care for (like the author’s tendency to oversimplify topics related to suffering and death and how they fit into God’s plan for history), but the beautiful and inspiring parts made it worth the read. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:
1. “...to an infinite artist, a Creator in love with His craft, there is no unimportant corner, there is no thrown-away image, no tattered thread in the novel left untied.”
2. “Do not resent your place in the story. Do not imagine yourself elsewhere. Do not close your eyes and picture a world without thorns, without shadows, without hawks. Change this world. Use your body like a tool meant to be used up, discarded, and replaced. Better every life you touch. We will reach the final chapter. When we have eyes that can stare into the sun, eyes that only squint for the Shenikah, then we will see laughing children pulling cobras by their tails, and hawks and rabbits playing tag.”
3. “Summer has come with the loveliness of a mother. Heat, not warmth, now pours onto my face, aging me, taking me closer to death. Let it. I am here to live my story, to love my story. I will not fail to savor any gift out of a desire for self-preservation. Self-preservation is not a great virtue in this story.”

Still Reading:

1. The Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
2. Brain Rules for Babies by John Medina
3. North and South by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell

What did you read in 2015 and what’s on your list for 2016?

On (kind of) Becoming A Morning Person

I've always admired people who can get up and enjoy the early morning hours. I've admired their discipline and craved the fruits of what they enjoy--the peace and solitude and freshness of a day in its infancy. Really, there's nothing quite like the morning time. Apart from the the grogginess it brought, I have always had an appreciation for the morning...when I've woken up early enough to enjoy it.That's the kicker.

I have never considered myself a morning person and until recently would sleep until the last possible moment before having to get up with enough time to do the bare minimum in preparation for the day. I’ve always wanted to have more time in the morning to ease into the day, but I could never manage to make it a reality. I’m not sure exactly what changed, I guess I finally just wanted it enough, so I started setting my alarm for a little earlier. I wanted to get out of bed at 6:30, but for a while it was more like 6:45/6:50. I started using the Sleep Cycle app that wakes you up when you are in your lightest sleep cycle. So, if I set the alarm for 6:30, it will go off somewhere between the window of 6:00 and 6:30. I think that has helped a lot because I generally wake up less groggy. For many people, this might be considered sleeping in, but I've found this to be a time that works well for me. 

After showering and getting dressed, I now have over an hour to enjoy the morning and mentally prepare for the day. It's amazing! And now that I have gotten more into the habit of waking up earlier, I want to get up because I know what I will miss if I sleep longer. As a side note, research demonstrates that this is how habits are successfully formed. You must have a "cue"(which begins to be linked with craving a reward)--something that triggers the habit--and a reward--something that reinforces the habit (The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do In Life And Business, Chapter 2). I didn't realize that this was being played out behind the scenes of my morning routine, but now it's clear. My "cue," which I suppose would be my alarm going off, triggers my craving for the "reward" of having a leisurely versus stressful morning. 

Instead of rolling out of bed with forty-five minutes to an hour to get ready and then rushing out the door, my mornings typically look more like this now:

-Wake up around 6:30

-Shower if I didn’t the night before

-Get dressed and do the rest of grooming/makeup

-Meet Geoff (who has been up since 5) in the kitchen and pour myself some coffee or reheat the cup he’s lovingly poured for me J

-Write three things I’m thankful for in my gratitude journal

-Read a Proverb coinciding with the day of the month

-Read a chapter from the Gospels 

-Do my “Baseline” exercises (what Geoff and I try to do every day whether we go to the gym or not-mine is different from his.), which consists of thirty squats, planking for at least a minute, and thirty calf raises.

-Make a smoothie or grab some boiled eggs to eat at work for breakfast. I get there at 8:30, but have at least half an hour before my first appointment, so I usually just take my breakfast with me.

-Leave for work at 8:15, if I work that day

On days that I don’t work, I will sometimes sleep later, but I generally aim for my mornings to have this rhythm.Stephen Covey notes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that "...when we take time to draw on the leadership center of our lives, what life is ultimately all about, it spreads like an umbrella over everything else. It renews us, refreshes us, particularly if we recommit to it" (p.294). For me, that has been one of the greatest gifts of waking up earlier--it sets the tone for the day before me and helps me to "recommit" myself to the Lord and his purposes for me. I'm often reminded of the words from Lamentations 3:23 that the Lord's mercies are new every morning. Whatever happened yesterday, however I may have failed, this is a new day and the mercy of the Lord is flowing afresh. 

I still don't jump out of bed bright eyed and bushy tailed, but even as I slowly ease into the morning, it is so freeing to be less stressed and to really be able to enjoy the stillness and freshness that the early hours of the day provide. Who knew?! Well, I guess a lot of people, I was just a little late to the party.

What does your morning routine look like?

Sneaky Procrastination and Life Right Now

The chapter of Proverbs I read yesterday begins with the words, "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth" (28:1). There are many ways that we can "boast about tomorrow," procrastination being a big one. Any time we put a task off with the idea that we will get around to it later we are boasting about tomorrow. We are assuming, first of all, that we are somehow guaranteed the arrival of tomorrow, and then that we will have the time, energy, health, resources, etc. to accomplish said task. We also might be making assumptions about the life or health of someone else. I'll send that letter tomorrow. I'll have that conversation later. I'll apologize another time.

I struggle with typical procrastination, but I also struggle with it in a more sneaky form as well--that of living in the present. I have a difficult time anchoring myself to any given moment without my mind wandering to other topics, tasks, or times (past or future). I'm also not immune to the temptation to multitask with technology and often find that I've missed something my husband has said because I was trying to do too many things at once. I am learning the hard way that I simply cannot listen to what someone says while reading something on my phone at the same time. And why would I want to anyway? People are worth my full attention. John Rohn said that "One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is the gift of your attention." Why? Because our attention is our time and our time is our life.

How does this relate to procrastination? I am realizing that the attitude of "I'll do it later" even carries over to living in the present. Sometimes I'll catch myself in a hurried or distracted frame of mind and I'll think, "I'll get better at this later" or "I'll eventually become one of those people who savors the moment," as if this more mature and mindful version of myself is going to appear out of thin air.

But, as we all have probably heard multiple times, we only have today. Really, only this moment. Even if life did slow down and I found my circumstances somehow more conducive to living in the moment, why would I choose to do that? How would I even do it if my habits up to that point had tended toward the opposite? Our good habits must be cultivated and practiced now if they are to be practiced at all. And we may fall prey to the notiont hat we are making progress when in fact we are not if we are aware of what we ought to be doing but are constantly relegating the actual doing of it to some vague future time. "Of course, I don't have that problem. After all, I know the right thing to do," we may think.

In Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis' fictional demon character, Screwtape, writes the following to his underling:

"We want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow's end, never honest, nor kind, nor happy now, but always using as mere fuel wherewith to heap the altar of the Future every real gift which is offered them in the Present." -chapter 15

Although Screwtape is a fictional character, the insight Lewis offers through his words seems to mirror reality. We encounter great resistance--both internal and external-- to living fully in the present moment. But this resistance should not paralyze us. Instead, it should encourage us all the more to be fully alive, fully awake, and fully engaged in the present. In the present is where the power is. By being fully present in the the present we experience God's gifts more fully--to drink in the joy of the simplest pleasures that might otherwise escape us. We experience the power to really listen to people when they are talking to us, thereby nurturing relationships and communicating love in one of the most genuine ways possible.And by being fully present we can experience a life of overflowing gratitude that points others to the Giver of every good and perfect gift.

"...your life only exists in the moment. But you can't really absorb or live that truth through reading a book; you absorb and live that truth simply by being fully in the process of living your life--not regretting the past, not dreading the future," says Jeff Olson, author of The Slight Edge (p.74).

How are you tempted to "boast about tomorrow" rather than seeing how your life exists in the moment--the very one you are in right now? What steps do you need to take to be more present?

It might look something like putting your phone down when your spouse is talking to you, or lingering longer over dinner instead of rushing to wash the dishes, or allowing more margin between appointments so you can give a person your full attention without feeling rushed.Your steps may look different than mine. The important thing is that we take them. And that we begin today.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God," Paul exhorted the Colossians. And can I do anything truly to the glory of God if I do it with only part of my attention, all the while thinking I have later to do it better? 

Kinder Than Necessary

I have been working on writing My Personal Commandments, inspired by Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project. Gretchen describes her commandments as “The overarching principles by which I try to live my life.” I will be sharing my own list once I have it hammered out, but for now I want to share some thoughts on my #4: Be kinder than necessary.

Kindness is one of those things that we have to be intentional about if we are to make it a habit. Although I think it is essential to a meaningful life, it could be argued that it’s not necessary. It’s necessary to buy our groceries. It’s necessary to get where we need to go. It’s necessary to feed our bodies. It’s not necessary to let someone go ahead of you in traffic. It’s not necessary to do a favor for a co-worker or help a person get a hard-to-reach item at the grocery store. But of course, the idea behind the phrase “Be kinder than necessary” is that we shouldn’t stop at merely not being rude or unkind; we should take that one extra step—or two or three or four extra steps—to improve the lives of the people we come into contact with.

I think one of the simplest ways to show kindness is to ask someone in the service industry how they are doing. My husband is an excellent example of this to me. If we are at a restaurant, going through a drive-through, or making a purchase at  a store, he will almost without fail ask the person serving us how they are doing. And almost without fail the employee’s face will brighten. This is usually followed by some kind of light-hearted banter, silliness, or conversation that visibly alters the person’s mood.

My personality is a bit more reserved than my husband’s, so striking up conversation with a stranger doesn’t come as naturally for me. Nevertheless, I have been pushing myself more lately to simply ask people how they are doing. The other day I was having breakfast with a friend and when our waitress asked how we were doing I missed my chance to ask her back. I made a mental note to be sure to ask her when she came back around (which, I think, ended up being more meaningful). When I asked that simple question—how are you doing?—you would have thought, due to the surprised look on her face, that I had told her I knew some personal secret of hers. She let out a sigh that seemed to be indicative of a stressful morning, said she was doing pretty well, and added, “Thanks for asking!” with a tone that seemed to communicate this was an unusual occurrence.

It made me a little sad to think that such a simple action—with apparently great power to brighten someone’s day—seems to be often neglected by the general population. And it makes me a little sad to think of all the opportunities I’ve missed to make someone’s day a bit better because I was too engrossed in my routine to say four little words.

Sometimes kindness involves spending a little cash, and we certainly shouldn’t shy away from that, but so many "unnecessary" acts of kindness don't cost anything but a little extra thought and attention. And if one of your goals in life is to treat others how you want to be treated, it turns out that all these little acts of kindness are essential after all. And a beautiful fringe benefit of showing kindness is that it has a way of improving our lives in the process.

A wise ancient king once said it like this:

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched,

and one who waters will himself be watered.

(Proverbs 11:25)

*Full quote:“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." J.M. Barrie

How To Be A Good Friend

First of all, let me preface this post by saying I do not claim to be an expert on friendship. According to Myers-Briggs, I make a loyal friend, but I make mistakes all the time. Case in point: just this morning I was supposed to meet two friends/mentees for coffee and I overslept. I’m supposed to be a responsible adult here and hopefully be some kind of example to these girls, but I couldn’t even get there on time (at all). If I were to use internet speak I would say something like #adultfail. But they were graciously understanding and willing to give me another chance, so we will try again tomorrow morning. 

Mistakes happen. We oversleep. We forget important dates. We’re clumsy with our words at times. But the beautiful thing is that there is always the opportunity to grow and to try to be a better friend today than we were yesterday.

So here are some things I’ve learned and am still learning about how to be a good friend:

1)      Be there for the big events.

Years ago l I received an invitation from a friend for a luncheon connected to a debutante event she was a part of. My meal was paid for by her family and she obviously wanted me there because she had invited me. But I was a lot more insecure back then and could only picture how awkward I would feel at this up-scale event, and so instead of choosing to be there for something that was important to her, I just didn’t go. Years later, with the perspective that comes with a little more maturity, I thought back on that decision with regret. I still wish I would have chosen to put my insecurities aside and had been there to be a part of an important day for my friend. I had to learn from my mistakes that being a true friend often means doing things that we might not always feel like doing simply because that’s what friends do. We show up for the big events in our friends’ lives whether it’s the birth of a baby, the funeral of a loved one, or a debutant luncheon.  We enter into their joy or sorrow as if it were our own (Romans 12:15). We don’t opt out simply because it might not be our thing or we don’t know what to say or we’re just too busy. We think about what we would want in their shoes and choose to be there. Which leads me to my second point…

2)      Know when to just sit and say nothing.

We’ve all probably heard this at some point. Sometimes all our friend needs is our presence,not our words. When someone is suffering, the last thing we should do is open our mouths and try to be profound. Henri Nouwen says it much more eloquently:

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

This is often so much harder than it sounds. It can be so difficult to sit with someone in their sorrow or disappointment and not try to put some positive spin on their situation. We desperately want to fix the situation or say something to make them feel better (or to make ourselves feel better). But I think what most of us want when we’re suffering is to know that we’re not forgotten and that we have people who are going to walk with us in the dark days ahead. Hearing our loss or pain acknowledged with a simple, “I’m so sorry” is probably all the talking we need from our friends initially. Other words may be needed down the line, but they  should always be chosen with great wisdom and care. As Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” And also consider this, “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart (Proverbs 25:20). For example, telling a grieving friend that “God must have needed one more angel in heaven” or some other such token phrase is probably not helpful. So, next time a friend is suffering, try biting your tongue and just sitting with them in silence. They’ll appreciate it more than you know.

I wrote more about this subject here if you are interested.

3)      Be their Cheerleader.

Or, encourage them to use their gifts. I have a friend who gave me a journal for my birthday to encourage me to write. This isn’t just any journal, however. Sprinkled through the pages are little (handwritten) writing prompts like “You’re digging in your garden and find a nugget of gold” and "Describe a first.” How thoughtful is that?? She believes I have a gift and she wants to help me use it. That encourages me so much. 

A few months back this same friend and I exchanged lengthy emails with each other outlining the specific ways in which we see the other is gifted. We listed things like “Hospitality/People Gatherer” and then expounded on how we see those qualities fleshed out. This was more than a feel-good exercise though; we genuinely want each other to rise to our full potential. We see so many gifts in each other and we want them to be used for good in the world in a way that makes others see the goodness and beauty of God.We all need to be pushed in the direction of our calling sometimes. So many of us might be just one encouraging word away from using a gift we’ve been keeping hidden. We might need to put aside a spirit of competition or envy in order to be someone’s cheerleader, but think about what a sad place the world would be if nobody used their gifts. If there were no beautiful music or inspiring stories or life-changing non-profits, etc., etc.,  I love how Shauna Nequist captures the power of encouragement:

There’s nothing scarier than that moment when you sing the song for the very first time, for your roommate or your wife, or when you let someone see the painting, and there are a few very long silent moments when they haven’t yet said what they think of it, and in those few moments, time stops and you quit painting, you quit singing forever, in your head, because it’s so fearful and vulnerable, and then someone says, essentially thank you and keep going, and your breath releases and you take back everything you said in your head…and at least in that moment, you feel like you did what you came to do, in a cosmic, very big sense. –Cold Tangerines

What friend needs to hear you say, “Thank you, and keep going” today? It could be something as big as “You should write that book” or as simple as “You’re a great listener. Keep doing that because you make a difference in people’s lives.”

Obviously, there are many more ways to be a good friend. These are just some that have come to stand out in bold relief through my own friendship blunderings and victories over the years.

 What would you add to the list?

Changing the Toilet Paper Roll...and the Heart

We've probably all been there.That all too annoying situation when the last person in the restroom used up the TP without replacing the roll. Or maybe to assuage their conscience they generously left one or two squares to be peeled off the cardboard for the next person's use. (And lest you think I am venting about the person I'm married to, let me just say that I am thinking of my workplace and even church...gasp!). A phrase pops into my mind when I encounter this situation: Integrity is changing out the toilet paper roll when no one is watching. Hopefully, no one ever is watching, but you get the idea.The simple act of changing out a toilet paper roll is a small way of saying that you aren’t the only person who matters and that you care about others' quality of life. No one else might know if you were the last person in the restroom, but that doesn’t matter to someone with good character. What matters is doing the kind and considerate thing.

I've been thinking about this as it relates to loving people. I used to (and sometimes still do) operate under the assumption that as long as I was nice to someone’s face it didn’t matter what my thoughts towards them were. Intellectually, I knew that Jesus taught something different. He had some strong words for people who hate or insult their brother (Matthew 5:21-22)  and one of his followers summarized his teaching on the matter by saying "Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer..." (I John 3:15). He also taught that we are to love and pray for our enemies and those who persecute us (and this most certainly would include the people who simply get under our skin). But, in my day-to-day interactions I have often allowed myself to harbor anger and ugly thoughts towards people I find to be difficult and frustrating. On the outside I could be courteous while internally focusing upon everything I found to be distasteful about them. 

But like the toilet paper scenario, I have been reminded lately that good character isn't about my image and appearing to be a good person, but about becoming the kind of person Jesus wants me to be—from the inside out. Choosing to be courteous and even “faking” to like someone more than you do is part of being a mature adult and is certainly better than nothing. It’s also true that our hearts often change in the process of doing the right thing, even if we are only initially doing it because it is the right thing. C.S. Lewis offers this valuable insight:

“Do not waste time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do  him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less.”-Mere Christianity, p.116

But  I think that at the most basic level, acting “as if” I love others starts with the thoughts I think about them. I have to remind myself of the truth about other people. That for all of their sin-wrought flaws, they are staggeringly beautiful and good creations, fearfully made in the image of a good and loving God. They are not obstacles to my happiness or inconveniences to be mocked, gossiped over, ignored, or treated with disdain. I can choose to see what is good in them, and if that is not possible at times, I can grieve over what sin has done in their lives and ask their Creator to restore the fullness of his image in them and in me.  

As I change the way I think about people I can then (or simultaneously) add more concrete actions of love and service to my interactions with them, with prayer of course, being at the center. But if circumstances do not permit tangible expressions of love, I can know that my character is still being changed as I choose to guard against unloving thoughts, and resolve look for traces of the one whose image they bear, and to pray that they might receive what is the very best for them. My feelings may not instantaneously change, but that doesn’t mean that I am not choosing to love.

An outward display of courtesy masking an ugly heart won’t change me into a person with good character. I must, with God's Spirit empowering me, do the hard but good work of changing the way I think and even changing the way I think about the way I think. This is repentance and this is what leads to change.

Once again, Lewis helps us to see the importance of each choice—whether it be changing out the toilet paper roll or remembering the glory of God in another human being:

“Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible.”-Mere Christianity, p. 117

The Quiet Game

Since Geoff has been going back to school I find that I spend much more time alone. Often, I am pulling into the driveway at the end of my work day just as he is walking to his car to leave for class. Or, on my days off he is at work and I have long stretches of time where I am by myself. And even though I am an introvert, I often scramble to fill the silence with noise and distractions. Like I’m running from some unseen enemy lurking in the silence, threatening to…to what?

What’s so scary about silence?

If you’re a parent you would probably say, “Nothing. I’d love some of that.”

But then you might think about it and realize that silence probably means that your walls are being decorated with crayons or someone’s cutting someone’s hair who shouldn’t be, or there’s some other surprise awaiting your discovery. But even if you’re all alone with no kids home, you probably find that it’s difficult to just be still. Just you and your thoughts in the quiet. No Facebook. No Netflix. No Pandora. Just quiet.

If you’re like me, you might crave quiet and simultaneously run from it.

Because in the quiet we no longer have any props. In the quiet we finally tune into the hum of our inner chatter. We are faced with emotions we may be used to stuffing, thoughts we tend to push out of our minds.

But if we create enough margin for quiet, if we wean ourselves from constantly filling our spare moments with noise, then I think we can become more whole. We can have a richer inner life that doesn’t have to be pacified with the next video that’s gone viral or with how many likes our picture received.

Even if social media isn’t your thing, you can probably relate to this tendency to avoid quiet. We can find all kinds of ways to run from ourselves and ultimately, to run from God. But I propose that what we desperately need is to stop running. We need to be still. We need a little self-enforced quiet game.

Because our behavior changes when our thoughts change (and we all have something in us that needs to change), and our thoughts can’t change very effectively if we never think, if we never reflect. And we can’t reflect when every moment is filled up with something distracting us from our thoughts. 

But there are other benefits to silence too. When there's less noise in our days we have more of a capacity to notice and appreciate things that might otherwise get lost in the commotion or glossed over with distraction. And when we are alone with ourselves we can find a pathway to deeper relationships. Anne Morrow Lindbergh offers this insight:

 "...it is not physical solitude that separates you from other men, not physical isolation, but spiritual isolation...it is the wilderness in the mind, the desert wastes in the heart through which one wanders lost and a stranger. When one is a stranger to oneself then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others. How often in a large city, shaking hands with my friends, have I felt the wilderness stretching between us. Both of us were wandering in arid wastes, having lost the springs that nourished us--or having found them dry. Only when one is connected to one's own core is one connected to others...And for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude." -Gift from the Sea, p.37-38

Amazingly, Lindbergh penned those words over fifty years ago. What she hadn't yet experienced is how people in the future would often be alone without really being alone, because being constantly attached to an electronic device through which one interacts with the world can't really be called solitude. How much we need the reminder of her words today. Isn't it worth fighting for--this deeper life of reflection and connectedness to others?

For many, silence and solitude might only be able available in little snippets of time. Maybe it will mean getting up earlier or turning your phone off at certain times during the day. For me, being alone comes naturally in my schedule, but I must choose at times to come away from the self-imposed noise and truly be quiet. I'm still in training, so often my self-preservation instincts kick in, telling me to run from the discomfort of facing my true self. But the valuable things are always worth the effort it takes to attain them, and on the other side of the noise-detox is a quiet that can make us more whole if we will receive what it has to offer.

Five Things to Help When You're Feeling Blue

I'm mot usually a list writer, but I've been thinking lately about some of the things that help to improve my mood when I'm in a slump and I thought I'd share. Of course, these aren't substitutes for getting medical help or counseling if you're struggling with something serious. These are just some helpful tips/reminders to help with the blues-y kinds of feelings that we all get from time to time.

1. Drink a cup of tea. There's something soothing about the process of boiling water, selecting a tea bag, and sitting for a few moments to enjoy the comfort of a warm beverage. It also gets you up and doing something when you might be tempted to sleep or mope around. I've become a rather avid tea drinker lately, which is probably a sign of my melancholy tendendies and an attempt to curb my ice cream cravings. =) Tea just has all kinds of benefits!

2. Do some simple form of exercise like body weight squats or planks. I've been setting a timer and trying to slowly increase how long I can plank. I've been doing the same thing with chin-up hangs. I can't do an actual chin-up yet, but I do static hangs with a chin-up bar that I attach to our bathroom doorway. If I'm feeling a little blah, moving around and getting my heart rate up helps to pull me out of my funk a bit and also gives me the satisfaction of knowing that I'm taking control of my life and my health, even if it's just in a small way. Of course, if you're at work or out in public it might no be possible to do chin-up hangs and would probably be little awkward to drop down on the ground and plank, but there have been quite a few times that I've done squats in the bathroom or other unoccupied room at work. It can be done!

3. Take a walk or sit outside. Vitamin D. We need more of it. Sometimes I'll walk around outside during my lunch break or sit and read on a big rock that's outside my building. It's refreshing and helps to clear my head.

4. Do a Random (or not so random) Act of Kindness. Write a note of encouragement to someone you know could use it. Drop an anonymous gift on someone's porch (it doesn't have to be expensive--$5 Starbucks gift card, box of tea, some cookies or muffins, etc.). Give a compliment or strike up conversation with a stranger. It will get you outside of yourself and bring you joy to know you've brightened someone's day!

5. Unplug from social media and journal or read instead. You'll be less likely to spiral into further blah-ness if you're not exposing yourself to a constant stream of information and photos to potentially spark feelings of comparison and envy. Save social media for when your're in better spirits, and instead write about what's already in your mind or escape into the world of a good book (some escapism can be healthy in moderation). The creativity that can be sparked through writing or expanding your mind through reading can really be energizing and uplifting.

None of these things will necessarily banish your blues, but I think they can offer some steps in a more positive direction.

What else would you add to the list?

Val

I stopped by my parent’s house today and on the way to the door grabbed the mail from the mailbox. Amid the junk mail, I noticed a personally addressed note from a long-time friend of the family, Val Ham. I mentioned the note to my mom, which prompted her to update me with the news that Val has cancer—of the terminal variety. She couldn’t hold back the tears as she talked about her beloved friend, the friend who has called her every day on her birthday for thirty-something years. The friend who faithfully stood with her in prayer through my dad’s deep, seven-year-long depression. The friend who, on into her seventies has poured time, money, and prayer into a little Eastern-European country called Moldovoa (the poorest country in Europe), going on regular trips to offer medical care, lead Bible studies, and always filling her suitcases with items to bless those in poverty.

I went on one such trip with Val in 2005. Her energy and enthusiasm for serving others and telling them about Jesus have left an indelible impression upon me. I spent a couple days with her in Maryland, where she lived at the time, and was able to observe how she lived. On one of the days, we were shopping for supplies for the trip and she was adamant about finding the best deals for everything. “So we can have more to buy things for the Moldovans,” she said. I learned something valuable about money that day—that it is a powerful tool for good in the hands of the right person, and that with each purchase, we demonstrate where our priorities lie. For her, it was (and is) helping others and telling them about the love of her Savior.

Val most likely will not make the headlines before she breathes her last. While people are amazed at Lady Gaga’s Oscars performance and other stars fade in and out of the limelight, she’ll quietly, but boldly live the remainder of her days faithfully following Jesus. But I know that there’s One who takes notice and who has noticed all along, and I’m confident that when they first meet face to face he’ll say something like “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord.”

As my own brief life stretches before me with the unknown number of days it will total, I think about this awesome responsibility of stewarding a life—one life. What does it look like to do it well? As I piece together my mental collage of inspiration--of people who embody a life well-lived, it's Val and others like her who are front and center. Some are still living, these unassuming saints, who teach me more in their struggles than any celebrity--Christian or otherwise--ever could. Others have gone on to be with the Lord, but their words and actions remain etched in my mind and heart, giving me courage to press on and hold fast to Christ.

In the note to my mom, Val  closed with the words, "With the chaos around us[of cancer, chemo, and her husband's own serious health issues], pray that we can be a witness for Christ." Enclosed was a support check for the ministry my dad leads.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

Using Your Gifts

I remember a conversation Geoff and I had some time before we were married as we drove back from the beach. We got on the topic of gifts and talents and using them well and I remember saying something like, “No one ever told when I was growing up how important this is. No one ever told me to develop my gifts in light of the fact that life is short and I only have so long to use what God has given me for good in this world.”  That’s not entirely true. My mom did encourage me to write. But, I think somewhere along the way I missed the idea that I’m actually a steward of whatever gifts I possess. They aren’t mine to hoard or to hide or to hinder. I don’t have the right to say, “That’s not my gift” when everyone around me is affirming that it is. 

Now, I’m getting all up in my own business with this post because I am greatly skilled in denial when it comes to my gifts. I can clearly see where you’re gifted, but it gets a little foggy when the gaze is turned inward. And let’s be honest—I’m also lazy. I am expert at avoiding what I know I should be doing. I like the cozy womb of my apathy. Being born and crying and breathing and growing is scary business. But the paradox is that denial and apathy and fear really don’t feel all that great. The place where we use our gifts is actually where we come most alive. New parents wait in anticipation to hear their baby’s first cry because it’s a sign of life. Our own figurative (or even literal) crying and straining in discerning and using our gifts is a sign of life and growth in us, and is ultimately life-giving for others.

Though our gifts are a deep part of who we are, it’s almost as if they are simultaneously outside of us—these facets of our personalities that need to be looked at objectively as commodities for good in the world. Or put another way, our gifts are not us. Therefore, we neither ought to feel overly attached or arrogant as their stewards, nor should we be in denial of their existence in false humility. They are what they are and it’s up to us to hone them and use them.

At a women’s conference I attended a couple weekends ago Bob Goff, author of Love Does, said in an interview that we should ask ourselves “What am I gifted at that will last?” Our time is limited, so we shouldn't spend it trying to do everything. Ultimately, he said people are what will last, so I think the takeaway is that what we choose to invest in should somehow be for the good of others. And I think asking ourselves this question can help streamline our lives. A friend who is involved in a non-profit organization told me that in a recent meeting they evaluated their activities based on their mission statement. They realized that some things they were doing needed to go because they didn't actually line up with the mission statement. They were good things, but didn't fit with their specific goals. I think we could benefit from seeing our gifts this way. We will be more effective doing a few things well and focusing our energies upon what we are naturally gifted in and passionate about than if we are exhausting ourselves by trying to live out of what we might wish we were good at. This also means that we will probably need to practice what we are good at in order to become better at it. Part of being a steward is not just doing something with what you have, but honing and developing it in order to maximize its potential.

So, what are you good at? If you're not sure, what do others say you are good at? What do you get compliments about? What excites you? And finally, what will last? How can you use what you have been entrusted with in a way that will outlive your life? It may not be big in the eyes of  the world. Maybe one of your gifst is being able to listen well to others. Make sure you're around people enough to be in a place to listen. Maybe you're moved with compassion by the suffering of the poor and the needs of the world overwhelm you. Don't be paralyzed by the magnitude of it all--let your compassion move you to action even in small ways--write encouraging notes, visit an elderly neighbor, sponsor a child, help out with a homeless ministry. Are you skilled with music, writing, speaking, or teaching? Are you good with numbers? Are you a  natural leader, planner, or organizer? Whatever your gifts may be, find an outlet and let others benefit from them.The world needs what you have to offer.

Everything Bitter: Learning from Proverbs and the Desert Saints

The desert saints were a group people in third century Rome who withdrew into the desert in order to pursue God and also to make a statement about the state of Christianity under the Emperor Constantine. As Christianity became more mainstream, even popular, the standards of discipleship that many believers had adhered to became much more lax and some were convicted that they needed to speak out against the luxuries and laxity of the day. Those who withdrew into the desert voluntarily stripped themselves of comforts and conveniences and practiced rigorous disciplines in order to seek God free of distraction. One well-known desert saint, Antony of Egypt said that “the soul’s intensity is strong when the pleasures of the body are weakened.”

In our society, the idea of voluntarily foregoing comforts and conveniences sounds a bit extreme. The messages of advertising and even some religious groups instill in us the idea that we deserve to have what we want when we want it. We deserve that latte, bubble bath, expensive dinner, bowl of ice cream, promotion, new car, etc. Consequently, many of us are accustom to pampering ourselves in little ways--perhaps some we're not even aware of--just because we can.

Of course, it's not wrong to pamper ourselves sometimes. But while some of the desert saints may have been extreme to a fault in their austerity, we are probably extreme to a fault at times in our attitudes of entitlement. We can certainly learn from these brothers and sisters of the past. The takeaway, in my opinion, is not that we should never splurge on something that we enjoy (I’m all for celebrating things small and great), but rather, that we can learn to exercise moderation and tell ourselves “no” at times in order to grow our character and silence the whiny baby inside of us that insists on getting what he or she wants. Saying “no” to ourselves is good for us, and if we don’t practice doing it in small ways, we will be ill prepared for doing so when more is required of us.

Proverbs 27:7 says, “One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet.” Geoff and I were talking about what this Proverb means recently and he revealed to me that it’s actually a truth that has shaped his life in a big way. One of the ways he has applied it is by learning to eat simple meals, “eating to live” rather than “living to eat.”

I was reminded of this idea the other night when Geoff was at school. We don’t always cook dinner when he has class, so I was eating a boiled egg and an apple with peanut butter. I chuckled to myself about it being a funny dinner and then thought, “Why is this funny? I’m eating food. This is a “meal” filled with vitamins and protein that so many would be ecstatic to have access to.”  Since when did dinner have to be a production? Believe me, I enjoy nice meals and I think they are one of God’s good gifts for us to enjoy, but reminding myself that I’ll be okay if I don’t eat whatever I’m craving at the moment is good for my soul. Charles Bridges notes of this Proverb that "The man, whose appetite is cloyed with indulgence, turns with disgust from the sweetest dainties; while every bitter and distasteful thing is keenly relished by the hungry soul, perhaps just saved from starvation. This healthful appetite is one of the many counterbalancing advantages of poverty." -Proverbs Even though I have access to more than I need and don't have to go hungry, I want to train myself to find even bitter things to be sweet (or in my case, maybe a simple cup of tea with honey instead of ice cream every night).

Gerald Sittser notes that “Like the desert saints, we too must withdraw into the desert. But it will most likely be a different kind of desert, and it will most likely require a different kind of sacrifice, one less obvious, but no less necessary and significant. Heroic feats are not as useful as the subtle and deliberate choices we make every day to submit ourselves to God.”-Water from a Deep Well, p.94

 His words bring 1 Corinthians 13 to mind which tells us that even if we do some of the greatest things—such as giving away all that we possess—we have nothing if we don’t have love. And isn’t submitting ourselves to God in the little, daily ways how we show love to Him and to our neighbor?

This isn’t something to turn into a formula or to give us license to judge others. I think it’s a personal thing. Only I can really know when I actually need a nap or when I’m simply being lazy,etc. But the fact that it isn’t a formula isn’t reason to dismiss the idea altogether. Saying “no” to or exercising restraint with some of our little whims can help us tame our inner toddler that demands to have its way, appreciate God’s gifts more fully, and ultimately be more fit to take up our cross and follow Jesus.