I’ve been in a process lately of changing the way that I think. Let’s just say I don’t struggle with being overly optimistic. Lately, a shift has taken place within me, though, so maybe you could say I’m in recovery. Yes, I think it’s safe to say I am a recovering pessimist.
The shift hasn’t been automatic. Like any good thing worth having, changing our thought patterns takes effort. I have had to become more aware of the thoughts that are on repeat in my brain and am learning to evaluate those thoughts based upon whether they are true and helpful. A tool that I have found helpful is Martin Seligman’s book Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. In it he notes that when we have a negative experience, “we react by thinking about it. Our thoughts rapidly congeal into beliefs. These beliefs may become so habitual we don’t even realize we have them unless we stop and focus on them. And they don’t just sit there idly; they have consequences. The beliefs are the direct causes of what we feel and what we do next.” We are all probably aware on some level that the way we think affects our feelings and actions. But even so, we could probably afford to do a little meta thinking--thinking about the way we think. We generally accept that what we put into our bodies--whether it be drugs or junk food--negatively affects our health. But we may not often think about how the way we think affects what we believe and feel and do--as well as our physical health! It doesn't seem like much of anything we think or do is neutral. I know that I have often acted as though there is no correlation between the thoughts I dwell upon and how I feel. I've assumed that my thoughts were just there and I often haven't realized the connection between them and how I felt and who was becoming. The apostle Paul understood how our thoughts and actions/character are linked and exhorted Christians in Rome to “be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2).
My circumstances haven’t changed, but I‘m learning to think differently about the nagging disappointments and frustrations that persist or inevitably arise. Instead of seeing everything through the lens of whatever I perceive is not going right in my life, I am able to see that I actually have a choice in how I interpret my circumstances--and do I really want to spiral into a pit of negativity like I have in the past? Habits are hard to kick, and sometimes in the moment the negative route seems appealing, but then I remember how draining it really is, and how it doesn’t do me or anyone else any favors. I’ve breathed the air that a healthier thought life offers and don’t want to go back.
Ironically, what I’ve found myself fearing (apparently it’s possible to be pessimistic about your optimism!) is that I will go back, that this progress I’m making is just a phase, the “honeymoon” period of new habits taking shape. In those moments I just have to ask God that He will help me to continue using the tools I have been given so that I will be transformed little by little, day by day. I know that when my mind is healthy, I am more able to love the people around me and to pursue the things He’s called me to do to influence my little sphere of the world.
This post isn't so much a "how to" as it is just me processing the shift that has taken place in my mind and soul. But if you struggle with worry or anxiety or just tend to default to a more negative outlook (I'm not talking about clinical depression here, although negative thinking can certainly exacerbate depression) I hope that this might offer you even just a bit of hope that change is possible. It might start with writing a list every day of three things you are thankful for. Or meditating on a truth of Scripture to replace a lie you have been believing (and therefore acting upon). Or you might want to pick up a book about habits/mindset/optimism (I promise they aren't all bogus). Whatever small step you take, as you become more aware of those thoughts that are on repeat in your mind and seek to refute what it is false or unhelpful, I am optimistic that you, like me, will gradually experience a shift in your outlook that might catch you by surprise.
Recommended reading:
The Slight Edge: Turning Simple Disciplines into Massive Success and Happiness, Jeff Olson
Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, Martin Seligman
No comments:
Post a Comment