Kicking Self-Pity to the Curb

I was listening to the radio in the car today when a lady called into the station to talk about her holiday plans. She said that she felt resentful about Thanksgiving this year because her kids would be with their dad, leaving her all alone. The dj replied that she could totally understand what the lady was going through because she was in fact, in the exact same situation--her kids would be with their dad, leaving her all alone, with no one to spend the holiday with...except, she decided to do something different. She would be going to a women's shelter, serving and spending the day with others who were hurting. She said, "I decided that I didn't want to give in to self-pity. There's always someone who has it worse than I do."

Self-pity. It really is such a life-sucking practice--both for ourselves and those around us. Because the more I focus upon what I think I'm missing out on, the more I actually miss.

I miss the good of what's right here in front of me. I really do. Because it's quite impossible to feel sorry for myself and at the same time turn my face up in wonder at the sky above me...or see the myriad of other blessings that surround me.

Self-pity is like so many other negative attitudes (worry, fear...) in that it seems if we let them go, we are giving up control. At least if I don't have what I want, I can sit here and feel entitled. I can think about how no one else is catering to my desires (and self-righteously think that if I were in their shoes I would do it better). But the reality is that living in the grip of these attitudes and emotions is really living as a slave. They control us.

And what a weight is lifted when I choose, however painfully at first, to declare my independence from self-pity. It really never was helping me to begin with. As Beth Moore says of insecurity, it's "been a bad friend to us."

There's a big wide world out there that needs our compassion and love. Do we really want to waste our time on something as suffocating and soul-destroying and ridiculous as self-pity? Do we really want to meet Jesus one day and have to look him in the eyes and say, "Sorry, Lord. I know you're really into all that loving and serving others stuff, like the least of these and all that...but, it was really frustrating when things didn't go my way...and it seemed like I deserved a little pity-party every now and then. I just didn't realize how much it would keep me from doing all that stuff you said to do..."

And the other side to the coin is that you may be serving yourself into a frenzy and feeling quite sorry for yourself in the process. Better to scale back and like Mary, sit at Jesus' feet for a while, than to be embittered and self-righteous and wind up throwing in the towel altogether. If we're learning from him in the Gospels and talking with him in prayer, I don't think there's much danger of us never serving others again. I think he can show us how to do it right. (And there's certainly a time to keep serving when we don't feel like it, but if you're resenting every serving role you are in, it might be a sign that you're simply spread too thin.)

So. let's kick self-pity to the curb, shall we?

Let's count our blessings. Literally. List them. Write them down. Thank God for them out loud.

Let's make a practice of going out of our way to thank people for for the big and little things they do for us.

Let's remember that even on our worst days, there's someone out there who is facing something difficult too. We're not the only ones. For every self-pitying thought, let's utter a prayer of repentance and thanks, until we train our hearts and minds to the rhythm of these words:

Why are you cast down, oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. 
Psalm 42:11